The Meaning of Christmas - For Me

Christmas time is such a joyous time of the year, right?

There are so many memories in my mind and heart when I think about Christmas as a child? I remember sitting at my grandparent's kitchen bar and eating pizza and pickled bologna with cheese and crackers. I remember playing Barbie Dolls at the top of their staircase with my cousins and dropping objects through the big open vent in the upstairs bedroom, which would land on an aunt or uncle who would then yell at us. I remember getting in the chilly car after we were all tired and worn out, driving the short distance home, getting in our pajamas and lying awake trying to catch Santa delivering our presents.

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A Letter to New Mamas: When Having Your First Baby Isn't the Joyful Experience You Anticipated

 

Yesterday, I went to visit a friend's daughter who just gave birth to the most beautiful little girl. As I sat there holding that precious baby, all I could think about, was all things I wanted to tell this young mama.

You see, having a baby wasn't what I thought it would be. Even though my baby will be eleven years old this week, I can still remember all the emotions, and the feeling of responsibility, that comes with having a new born. Having a baby was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and it flipped my world completely upside down.

Looking back, I was experiencing a level of post partum depression, but was in denial of it. I actually did go to a doctor when my son was about eight months old, and I broke down in his office crying. He spent about five minutes with me, wrote me a script for an antidepressant, and sent me on my way. I walked out of the office, got the prescription filled, and never took it because I was afraid to be addicted to them. The hardest thing for for me was that we experienced infertility, so I wasn't supposed to be having these kinds of feeling, at least that's what I told myself. We tried for 2.5 years before conceiving, so I should have been the happiest mama out there, but I wasn't.


I made a promise to myself that I would be honest with expecting mothers after my experience, so I am writing this letter to any new mama out there that happens to come across this post. I love you, new mama, and you have such an important job. I hope this letter helps you to not feel alone if you are experiencing any of these emotions.

Dear New Mama,

Everything is going to change now, and I mean everything. I hope that the transition to motherhood is an easy one for you. I hope that things will be exactly like you imagined they would be.

But, in case things are not, here are some things you may experience......

Your marriage is going to be affected. Suddenly, you are forever connected to your husband by this little human being you created together.  It's not the two of you anymore, now there are three. Papa Bear is going to do things that make you want to rip your hair out sometimes. He's not going to understand what you are going through emotionally. Sometimes you will look at him and feel so much love toward him, your heart wants to burst, and other times, you will think "What in the crap did I get myself into?" The carefreeness you had as a couple before baby, is gone. It's not going to be easy to make time for each other. You're going to have to fight for your marriage. Babies and children require so much work, and often husbands can feel neglected. Try to make time for him, even if it's just a small part of your day.

Your body has changed, and you are going to feel uncomfortable in your skin. You may not feel as pretty as you used to. I encourage you to do your hair and makeup, and change out of the lounge pants, if possible. It will be good for your self-esteem. You may have gained a little too much weight, like me, and you will feel disgusted and discouraged with your body. You will lose the weight again, but don't worry about it yet. I give you permission to start thinking about your weight when the baby is sleeping through the night. It's okay if you have to buy new clothes to fit you. Please don't feel bad about that. It's a rare woman who can wear the clothes home from the hospital that she wore before becoming pregnant.

You are going to be more tired than you could have ever imagined you would be. You may have feelings of wanting to call the stork to take back the delivery. Sleep deprivation was a huge thing for me. I was so tired....so, so, tired. There is a reason that they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture.

You're not going to want to ask for help, but you need to. I am so type A that I refused to ask for help. I wanted this baby so bad, and now I was going to be the one to take care of him. I wished I would have called on more people to help me. I could have used help with housework, meals, and babysitting, so I could sleep.

Don't pressure yourself to breastfeed. I pressured myself and I think it contributed to me being resentful of my baby. There is too much pressure put on new moms to breastfeed. Yes, breastfeeding is awesome, if you can do it, but please don't feel guilty if you can't. There are lots of babies who are formula fed, and they are walking around healthy as can be today.

People are going to overwhelm you to the point that you hate their guts, even people you love. When have a new baby, suddenly, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, wants to come and see you. They want to put their hands all over your baby, crowd your house, and make your blood pressure sore through the roof. You're going to have this crying baby and all these people are going to be looking at you like it's your job to make it stop, while you sit there thinking, "I have no idea how to make this baby quit crying," and now I am covered in sweat and staring the door fixing to bolt as soon as no one is looking.

You may feel resentful of this new interruption to your life. You may want to run away and never return. You may see all these mamas loving and nurturing their babies like it's the most natural thing in the world, while you sit there and think, "This is isn't what I expected, and I'd like out of this situation now, please."

Please stay off the mommy blogs. The mommy blogs can be helpful, but they can also make you feel like a total failure as a new mom. Surround yourself with real, in the flesh,  moms who will lift you up and help you on this journey. I found these moms when I joined a local MOPS group. In fact, one of these moms is still my best friend to this day.

It will get better, mama, I promise. Soon, your baby will sleep through the night, and you will start to feel like yourself again. You will find your groove, and start to bond with your child. You will be okay, I promise, and you are perfectly normal if you have all of these feelings. If your feelings start to be too overwhelming to you, please go see your doctor, and don't let them brush you off. You are paying for their services, and they need to listen to you.

Oh, how I wish moms would have been more honest with me. I felt so alone, lonelier than I have ever felt in my life. I thought something was wrong with me because no one told me I may feel this way. God bless the mothers who pop them out and it's the most natural thing in the world, but that wasn't me.

So, new mama, don't feel like you're alone in this. Take it day by day, or hour by hour, if you need to, and take that help when it's offered.

I hope this helps if you're a new mom. Comment below and let me, and all the other moms out there, know that we are not alone in this! Be there and support each other with love and honesty.

~Jenn

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Sometimes Life Happens and You Have to Learn to Be Flexible

 

Do you ever have one of those weeks? You know, those weeks where you want to grab a case of chocolate, hop in your car (BY YOURSELF), and drive somewhere else? Far, far away from your life and the reality of it?

Yeah, I've had one of those weeks.

I really love people. I am very outgoing and extroverted. But when I get stressed, all I want to do is stay home in my jammies and not go anywhere or do anything except clean my house from top to bottom. I can get very easily overwhelmed by life sometimes. Unfortunately, instead of putting on my big girl panties and dealing, I usually go into meltdown mode. I am also very organized and detail oriented so when things happen that I don't "plan" for, I get upset and angry.

This week we have been going nonstop since Monday. It started with a field trip on Monday, an essential oil class Monday night, followed by a trip to the funeral home for a friend's mother who passed away. Tuesday was an orthodontist appointment and Wednesday I was at the seed store by 7:00 a.m. to buy seed for our deer food plots because we got a hard frost last weekend that killed about half of our fields.


On top of all that, our refrigerator quit working this week. What this means is that we have to put a down payment on braces Monday plus pay for our refrigerator to be repaired or get a new one. The thing that is most frustrating to me, is for the first time in our lives I am feeling good about our finances and about having a small emergency savings. Unfortunately, the repair of the existing fridge or the cost of a new one may wipe all that out. I am trying to look on the positive side and be happy that we at least have the cash on hand to pay for it this time.

Today's Thursday and it appears the rest of week will be just like the beginning. My house is the pits, we are behind on school, and I want to run away. In a time like this, I am going to choose to count my blessings and be thankful for friends who are going to deliver a free refrigerator, friends who invited us over to eat dinner with them last night, and friends who are bringing us dinner tonight! I am also thankful that we have the ability to pay cash and we don't have to put any of these expenses on a credit card. I am thankful for this time of the year, and even though I had to help spread seed yesterday morning for a couple hours, it was so good for my soul be outside in this glorious fall weather.

Don't think I didn't have a momentary thought about how going off grid would solve this fridge problem. The thing is, I like my refrigerator. I also like my electricity, and hot water. Do I think I could survive without them? I could, but I don't want to if I don't have to!

Now I need to get off here and get some stuff done so I can start to feel caught up in life. Have a great day, my friends, and try and count your blessings if things aren't going your way today.

~Jenn

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Please Don’t Become Self-Righteous With Your Choices

This is a hard post for me to write.  I realize that some things I want to share from my heart may cause you to become upset with me. Please know that I do not think of myself better than anyone else.  I, myself, have struggled in this area for many years.

Please, hear me out on this.

I want to talk about how being self-righteous and judging others for living a lifestyle different from you, is not productive to helping people.  

Ten years ago, I gave birth to my one and only child. Something happened when he was born that made me want to do better when it came to making choices for him. I wanted to do the very best I could for him in all areas. So, I breast fed for eight months, when it was not the easiest thing for me to do and, in fact, it possibly caused me to bond later with him than if I would have put him on formula. But, I felt like I couldn’t put him on formula because of the pressure I put on myself based on the opinions of others. I often hear stories from other moms about how they felt judged for making the choice to formula feed their baby after breast feeding did not work for them. This hurts my heart that they feel unworthy and that someone else made them feel this way.

I’m going to tell you something that is not a shock to those who are close to me… occasionally, we eat McDonalds, AND sometimes I buy convenience foods, because that’s what I need, something convenient, AND I love smelly chemical filled lotions. Oh, and don't forget my addiction to good smelling laundry detergent and fabric softener! I have even watched the food documentaries about how fast food places get their massive amounts of beef and chicken, and while I disagree with the practices, and I am thankful for those who fight for better care for the animals, I still choose to eat at these places. I have had to stop reading so many blogs and unsubscribe from a few Facebook groups because all I do is feel like a failure when comparing myself to their "perfection."

So, I hide my choices.

I try not to take pictures of us enjoying meals at these places. I make sure my photos on my blog try to represent an ‘everything from scratch’ lifestyle. My child is fully vaccinated. I don’t think the FDA consists of all evil people who want to kill us with packaged foods. I don’t believe all doctors are buy-outs to the drug companies, and I don’t believe giving your baby formula makes you a bad mother.  I love modern conveniences like washers, dryers, refrigerators, and electricity. Most of the choices that we make as family come from wanting to get the most out of our money and being good stewards of what God has blessed us with. I don’t consider myself crunchy, I’m frugal. It cost me less to make bread than to buy it, water is cheaper than soda, growing and canning our own produce saves a ton on groceries in the winter. 

I think instead of hyper-focusing on every chemical we may come in contact with, or making a stand to only eat organic, and feeling like eating convenient food choices occasionally will kill us, we should remember what’s really and truly important in life.  Do you realize that when you make a stand and choose to not show mercy and grace to others who make different choices than you, that you are not being Christ-like?

Christ was radical and He did radical things. He loved people where they were at and He did not try to change them before He loved them. He did not give them a list of things He thought they should do before He welcomed them with open arms.

Let's talk about the single mother who barely has time for her children after working all day, but is expected (by food Pharisees) to grow and preserve her own food, buy organic when her budget doesn’t allow it, and keep up on all her other responsibilities.  What about the young, twenty-year-old, new mom who is having such a hard time with her first baby and everything she reads gives her no support but only makes her feel frustrated and lonely? 

I am so very weary of this battle. I am weary of moms fighting over vaccinations, modern medical care, and being angry at other moms who are feeding their children fruit treats with food coloring and ramen noodles for lunch. Where is the mercy and grace in that?

I often wonder what would happen to us if we spent as much time reading scripture and ministering to the homeless, widows, and orphans as we do researching essential oils, alternative medications, vaccinations, and pesticides on our foods. I’m preaching to myself here, folks!

Listen, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to do better. I’m not saying that we should just throw the towel in and go back to how it was before we were educated in some of these areas. I just want things to be put in a better perspective and I want us to love each other instead of judge one another. The moment that you refuse to eat at a church potluck or you talk about another mother behind her back about what she is feeding her children, you may want to check yourself and look up the definition of what a Pharisee is. You also may want to research idolatry if you're a Christian and see if you may be spending a bit too much time on these things and not an equal or a greater amount of time into your relationship with Christ.

Life is always, and forevermore, about Jesus Christ and reaching people with His love. It’s all about loving them, caring for their needs, being there for them when they need you. We are called to preach the gospel to the ends of earth. Above all else, this is should be our main focus.

Imagine lying on your deathbed…no, I’m serious…picture it in your mind… will you be lying there saying “I wish I would have planted organic potatoes instead of those cheap ones”, or do you think you may be wishing you had spent more time with people you love and would have stopped worrying so much over every little daily decision? My mother-in-law, who would have celebrated her 71st birthday on March 18^th, died on April 18^th2013 from cancer. I have never known another person who avoided chemicals like she did. When she was in the hospital, she told my son that he needed to not worry about things so much because in the end it doesn’t really matter.

Love people!  It’s all about love! Let’s make choices for our families that we think are best, but learn to relax and let go when we need to. Let’s not worry so much about other’s choices and focus on doing what we are called to do. Let’s put as much time into reading our Bibles and nourishing our spirits as we do researching alternative ways to heal our bodies.

Don’t let this lifestyle become an idol to you, something that separates you from your sisters or brothers in Christ. Perhaps by loving them where they are instead of judging them, you may get the chance to give them some of your big, juicy, red, tomatoes that you have grown and they will want to learn to garden too.

“For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law though not being myself under the law, so that I might win those who are under the Law; to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.” 1 Corinthians 9:19-23

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End of Year Update

Hello friends!

It’s been awhile since I have written. I guess I haven’t been in the mood to write lately. I have a pattern of becoming somewhat gloomy around the holidays. Celebrating without extended family is rough on me. It’s hard to make a big fancy meal for just your husband and ten-year-old. Not that they don’t deserve it - because they do. But, it’s just not the same as being around my big, obnoxious family.

A couple things have happened since I last wrote. The big one being my husband was informed by the company that he works for that they will be closing the plant down. That means we have nine months to prepare for job loss and to look for another source of income. When you are a one income family, and that only income is compromised, it can be scary territory. I am truly not worried though. I am trusting that God will provide and that we will come out on the other side stronger than ever.

My uncle also went and had a heart attack right before the holidays. It scared the poop out of me. See, he is only seven years older than me. He was my grandparent’s surprise baby and my mother was a young mom.  It made me think long and hard about my health and the choices I am making with it. I am long past wanting to be a size 2, but I do want to have lots of energy to keep up with my family and my dreams for this homestead.

I also celebrated my thirty-eighth birthday on December 23rd. I am not sure about you, but time seems to fly by the older I get. I can’t believe I am two years away from forty! I actually enjoy getting older and wouldn’t go back to twenty if you made me.

Evan is doing well. He still complains about having to do school everyday even though we had a two week break over the holidays. We are still learning about ancient Egypt and reading through Exodus. I really want to do a unit study on Little House on the Prairie but I just don’t know if we have the time. He has been enjoying his fish. He is now up to having four aquariums. He is also really into his Lego blocks right now.

We have been working on a 3000 piece puzzle in the evenings that my mom sent him for Christmas. I can get a little psycho with puzzles. I may or may not have flipped out on him a couple times for bumping the table. Hey, I’m just keeping it real.

I enjoy winter months because they force you to slow down. I have wanted to get out some of my knitting stuff but until the puzzle is done that’s not going to happen.

I had a lock-in with our church youth on New Year’s Eve. I may enjoy getting older but my body does not enjoy getting zero sleep. I really am too old to be staying up until 3:00 a.m. The other adults and all the youth, except a couple, stayed up all night. Can you say “cray cray?”

Well that just about sums up the holidays at the Dana Homestead. Hope your holidays were happy and full of Jesus!

Love,
Jenn

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Whew, What a Crazy Couple of Weeks

It's Monday morning and I am officially trying to get my routine back in progress. I have started a load of laundry, threw some makeup on, and I am working on this blog post. We have had a great fall break, but today it's back to reality. Glen had to go back to work this morning after having two weeks off so the four a.m. wake up call is back!

 

Our family arrived the Thursday before last and left this past Friday morning. It was a great time filled with opening day of rifle season here in Kentucky with a couple bucks taken, a trip to the zoo, and more food than any person should eat in their lifetime.

 

We started by celebrating Evan's birthday with the family. He loves having his family around and they spoil him rotten.

 

Saturday morning, November 8th, was opening day of rifle season and crossbow season. Glen, Evan, my nephew Tyler, and I all headed out that morning. Evan and Glen with Evan's crossbow, me with my compound bow, and Ty with his rifle.

Nothing warms this mama's heart more than seeing our boy fall in love with Glen and I's hobby. 

I was sitting in my stand not seeing anything, and Glen had just texted me that they were not seeing anything either, when I swore I heard a crossbow go off. I waited with my phone in my hand, and sure enough Glen texted and said that Evan had shot a buck. I was so excited I got right out of my stand and headed to where they were hunting. I'm not trying to brag about son (okay, I am) but he smoked that deer. I don't think it even ran 40 yards. Glen said he was as cool as a cucumber when he made the shot.  

 

While we were getting pictures of Evan's deer we hear Tyler shoot. I won't say how many times we heard Tyler shoot...but we finally got a text from him that said he had shot a nice buck and it was down in front of him.

 

 We got Evan's buck up to the house and then Glen went and fetched up Ty and his buck. This is why my husband works all year long on food plots, scouting, and hanging stands. This moment, the one below, makes our whole deer season. We wouldn't even care if we didn't get a deer ourselves.

 

 Well, of course, you know the Dana's by now, and we went right into processing mode. We cut up Evan and Tyler's deer and we were done by Sunday afternoon. The saying "Many hands make light work" is so true.

 

 I knew Evan wanted to do something fun for his birthday with Ty and his Aunt Tanya while they were here so I was checking the weather and saw it was going to be 68 degrees that Monday. I asked Evan if he wanted to go to the zoo and he said he did and was very excited about it. The Nashville Zoo is a great zoo. I would say it is the cleanest zoo that I have ever been to, although, I have not been to many other zoos. This meerkat was a hoot. He stood like this for about 15 minutes like he was posing for us.

Zoo selfie

Lazy kangaroo

Ty and Evan petting the goat. The goats were quite a treat. Especially when one decided to steal a guy's handmade sketch out of his hand and run all over the place with it while the worker was trying to get it away from him. Just a little extra entertainment for us. 

Evan had some visitors land on him. His facial expressions are priceless. 

Then one bit his ear and he wasn't so cool with that. 

 

The boys went and cut wood while the family was down.

We shut our TV off back around June and we have no antenna to watch the local channels (we haven't missed it either). Pa was bored and discovered bowling on the wii. He actually beat everyone at it once he got the hang of it. 

 

 I went out a couple of times bow hunting while the family was here. I have yet to fill my buck tag. It looks like it may be a long season for me this year. I could take my rifle out and get one, but I have not shot a buck with my bow since moving from MI. I am determined to kill one with my bow this year.

 

 

So, that's the last couple weeks for you. It's snowing here this morning and I think we are putting up the Christmas tree today. I need to get some cleaning done around here and school done today. I am sure Evan will be super excited about getting back to school....

 

Jenn

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A Visit From My Mom, A Circus, 5K, and A Fall Festival

Is it just me or does life seem crazy-busy right now? We have had a whirlwind of activity since last Thursday. 

 

Thursday afternoon I took Evan to get his hair cut by this lovely lady! He has decided that having his dead shaved is not his style anymore. It's just another sign of him growing up and I'm not too happy about it!

Thursday evening was dinner with my husband's coworkers. It was an award dinner honoring their number of years in the company. That piece of cake right there....uh, it was heavenly. I ate about a third and brought the rest home for Evan and I to share the next day.

Friday was hair day for Peaches. She looks so different when she gets groomed. I also went to the local Kentucky Artisan and Saddle Factory to be trained to do volunteer work every Thursday morning there. I am on a mission to get the community in that shop to buy our local artist's handmade treasures!

This was the most exciting part of the day Friday! We were waiting for grandma to get here from Michigan to spend the weekend with us. I think he called her about 56 times that day to see where she was.

My mom pulled in about 4:40 Friday afternoon. We had dinner and we were off to the circus. The circus was fun! I have not been since I was a little girl and it was Evan's first time at one. I was freezing so I stole Evan's monkey hat to help keep me warm. We are also munching on very salty popcorn.

This was the highlight of the show for us. The kids were given coloring sheets to get into the circus for free and if you colored your sheet, and they choose it, you received a free elephant ride. Guess whose name was picked? He worked on the coloring sheet for about three days so I guess he deserved it. 

 

I don't think he was too sure about being on top of an elephant. He had a pretty nervous look on his face when they were helping him get on it. As soon as he got down he said "That was so cool!" Little things like this make a child's day.

This was one of those crazy stunts where I was pretty sure my 9 year old was going to see someone die.  It was a metal cage that at one point had three men on motorcycles in there at the same time driving at a pretty fast speed. I wonder how many times they had to crash before they got this right?

 

Jugglers

Trapeze people

  Saturday we woke up and I made breakfast for us. We sat around and visited for awhile and then we carved pumpkins. Evan has never carved a pumpkin before so this was a first for him. Evan and mom did a good job! After pumpkin carving we took my mom to a local restaurant in town that we love called Slappy'z. Glen left work and met us there for lunch. When we finished, we took mom to the square in Russellville and the Saddle Factory Museum to see some of the town history. 

That evening my mom and I ran a 5K together, along with a couple of my friends from church. This is Sarah and this was her first 5K. She did awesome!

Taking a selfie after the run.

 

 My mom and me after the run.

 

When mom and I pulled in our driveway that evening, we were greeted by these lovely things all lit up. My husband helped my son light them so Evan could see what they look like with a candle in them.

Sunday morning was church and then the Fall Festival that evening. I went as a hippie, which fits my personality. I like to tell people I am a hippie evangelist. Come one, come all to Jesus, no matter your race, class, background, or baggage. (I know this from my own experience:))

 

Here we are getting set up for the big night.

This is a picture of the kids trunk or treating.

 

This costume is awesome and won the best costume in the kid's category.

Handing out treats to the kids!

This was my buddy for the night. I had no idea Tyler was going to dress up like this! He also won best costume in the adult category. We had a groovy time. 

 

This is our pastor. He's pretty cool for a pastor... I guess he is dressed as a hipster, which I have no idea what that is because I am too old!

 

Uh oh, we are busted eating our own candy!

 

 

We had a great weekend. The Fall Festival at church was a huge success and I can't wait until next year. I enjoyed spending the weekend with my mom and we had a lot of fun. She recently has lost a lot of weight and seeing her makes me motivated to get moving again. I am my mother's daughter so I should be able to accomplish this!

 

Jenn

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