I thought I would take a minute to write a post so y'all could get to know me a little better. Some things may surprise you, and some things you may already know.
Ten Random Things About Me:
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
The Meaning of Christmas - For Me
Christmas time is such a joyous time of the year, right?
There are so many memories in my mind and heart when I think about Christmas as a child? I remember sitting at my grandparent's kitchen bar and eating pizza and pickled bologna with cheese and crackers. I remember playing Barbie Dolls at the top of their staircase with my cousins and dropping objects through the big open vent in the upstairs bedroom, which would land on an aunt or uncle who would then yell at us. I remember getting in the chilly car after we were all tired and worn out, driving the short distance home, getting in our pajamas and lying awake trying to catch Santa delivering our presents.
Our Infertility Story
About four years ago, I wrote a post on my blog titled "Saying Goodbye to the Babies I Will Never Have." I came to the point in my life when I realized that all the mourning I had been doing was affecting my relationship with the child that was right in front of me. I made a decision to stop focusing on our infertility. Now that doesn't mean I still don't have my moments because I do. But as I get older, and the baby making years are slowly slipping by, I am more at peace with it. In fact, I held a newborn on Sunday and I can honestly say that the feeling of wanting one is mostly gone. It's not that I wouldn't take a miracle but I prefer to have a child closer to my son's age of eleven.
So here's our infertility story.
In June of 2000 we were married after almost six years of dating. I was twenty-three and he was twenty-nine. We were married for about a year when we decided to start actively trying to have a baby. I guess I thought it would happen quickly, after all, my mother has four children and she never had any problems. Boy oh boy was I in for a rollercoaster ride of emotions over the next several years.
After about six months of trying, I took a pregnancy test and there was very faint positive line. I remember the day like it was yesterday. As we were walking back to check on one of our food plots we planted for the deer, I grabbed my husband's hand and said, "I can't believe we're finally pregnant!" That feeling lasted one day. By the next day I was bleeding. I went to the doctor but it was too early and all signs of a baby were gone. I was pretty devastated but relieved to know that at least we could get pregnant. I knew that we would never be a couple that would take infertility treatments or have any kind of extensive testing done. We couldn't afford to take that route and I knew if it didn't happen on its own I would probably remain childless.
This would start my psychotic phase of checking out and buying every single book on infertility and pregnancy I could get my hands on. I did it all. I took my temperature, checked my cervical mucus, and timed intercourse. Every month I would take a test and it would be negative. I seriously should have bought stock in pregnancy tests for as many as I bought and went through.
For two years after our miscarriage we tried every month to have a baby and every month I would start my cycle and cry. I cried a lot. I was a new Christian back then not coming to salvation until right before our wedding and I just didn't understand why God would do this to me. Hadn't I been through enough in my short life here on earth? Was it really necessary to add infertility to it too? I was angry with God and I wanted to control it so I tried to do everything I could to make it happen.
No hot baths.
You have to wear boxer shorts.
I need to quit caffeine.
Hand me a pillow so I can prop my butt up.
Maybe I should just stand on my head and that would help.
I drove my husband crazy. Cray-Cray. He was happy with just the two of us and did not understand this quest I was on to add to our family. Bless him. He put up with a crazy woman for those two years. Oh wait, he is still putting up with a crazy woman....
One day, I was at work after coming back from a vacation in Florida with my sister, and my co-worker looked at me strange because I was eating pickles and drinking chocolate milk for breakfast. (Seriously, I can't make this stuff up, folks). She said "You're pregnant." To which I laughed in her face and said "Yeah, right. You don't try for as long as we have and just get pregnant." She convinced me to go next door to the doctors office and take a test, so I did, knowing that it would be negative. Only it wasn't negative, it was positive. I sobbed and misdialed my home phone number three times before reaching my husband at home to tell him the news.
And so ended the crazy, "try to get pregnant" lady, and the, "every time I go to the bathroom I am afraid to find blood," crazy lady appeared. I don't think I relaxed while carrying my son until I was about twenty-five weeks and I knew he had a chance of surviving outside the womb.
I wish I could tell y'all that my pregnancy was wonderful and everything I hoped and dreamed it would be, but that would be lying. I hated my husband and mother-in-law, and junior put me on bed rest at twenty-nine weeks trying to come early. I gained fifty-two pounds and had him a month early. He weighed 5lbs 10oz. (Obviously, it was all baby those 52 lbs....) Because he was born early, he had lung problems and was taken away from me immediately after birth to be put on oxygen. This started a whole different rollercoaster of emotions that I now contribute to postpartum depression, but because we had tried for long and wanted one so bad, I could not admit to people that this wasn't what I had signed up for. That's a whole different post that I cover a little bit here.
My son was born in 2004. Fast forward three and half years, I am sitting at the doctors office and crying because I feel like something is wrong with me. We had not been able to conceive again, and I was just feeling 'off.' I think the doctor ordered the intravaginal ultrasound just to pacify me, but the ultrasound showed a grapefruit sized cysts on my left ovary with a hard center, which could indicate ovarian cancer. That was a scary twenty-four hours waiting for a blood test to come back and tell me whether it indicated cancer or not.
Surgery was scheduled to remove the cyst. I had never had surgery before and have never had it since. I woke up from surgery in so much pain it was ridiculous. What was supposed to be an outpatient surgery turned into a C-section scar across my lower abdomen. She removed the cyst, and the hard center turned out to be my ovary. She could not save the left ovary or the tube. This is also when she discovered that I had severe endometriosis. I have always had painful periods but just thought it was normal for me. She spent a lot of time trying to get all my parts unstuck from each other down there. My bladder, uterus, and bowls were basically glued together in one big ball from the endometriosis. She told me she could not understand how I even conceived and carried my son.
After surgery I was put on a drug called Lupron. I consider it a drug straight from Satan. I was supposed to take it for six months, but after four months, I told them no more. Lupron put me into menopause to help heal the endometriosis that I suffered from. That was seven years ago, and I have been menopausal since then. I was supposed to resume having cycles after stopping this drug but that has never happened. The doctor's explanation is that the surgery was too traumatic and it shut down my reproductive system.
Going through menopause when you are thirty-one is a treat let me tell ya....
Obviously, all chances of conceiving a second child after that were gone. I have been on a seven year rollercoaster ride of hormone replacement therapy and dealing with all the physical and emotional aspects of menopause. I have not been easy to live with. I hate being on HRT, but I cannot function normally off of it at this time in my life. My body wants, and needs, estrogen at this age, so I give it some.
That's our infertility story. I have had every emotion you can imagine dealing with this. I still get sad when I see pregnant women at the doctors office or out in public, and I know that will never be me again. I wished I would have treasured carrying my son more, since I would never have another opportunity to carry a baby. We have talked about adoption recently and are considering becoming foster parents with the intentions of adopting.
People who make a choice to not have more children will never understand what it's like to have that choice taken away from you. So I get it. I get all the emotions you are going through. I understand the pain of not being able to control something. The pain of having your body betray you when it comes so easy for others. The pain of seeing a newborn and knowing you will never have that opportunity again.
I have always been open about our infertility and will continue to be. I didn't know that when I went through all of this that someday, I may be able to reach out and help someone else, even if it's just having a good cry with them.
If you have any questions or just want to talk about it, please leave a comment below and feel free to private message me on Facebook too.
Love you, mamas and mama wannabes, and I am here for you!
~Jenn
A Letter to New Mamas: When Having Your First Baby Isn't the Joyful Experience You Anticipated
You see, having a baby wasn't what I thought it would be. Even though my baby will be eleven years old this week, I can still remember all the emotions, and the feeling of responsibility, that comes with having a new born. Having a baby was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and it flipped my world completely upside down.
Looking back, I was experiencing a level of post partum depression, but was in denial of it. I actually did go to a doctor when my son was about eight months old, and I broke down in his office crying. He spent about five minutes with me, wrote me a script for an antidepressant, and sent me on my way. I walked out of the office, got the prescription filled, and never took it because I was afraid to be addicted to them. The hardest thing for for me was that we experienced infertility, so I wasn't supposed to be having these kinds of feeling, at least that's what I told myself. We tried for 2.5 years before conceiving, so I should have been the happiest mama out there, but I wasn't.
I made a promise to myself that I would be honest with expecting mothers after my experience, so I am writing this letter to any new mama out there that happens to come across this post. I love you, new mama, and you have such an important job. I hope this letter helps you to not feel alone if you are experiencing any of these emotions.
Dear New Mama,
Everything is going to change now, and I mean everything. I hope that the transition to motherhood is an easy one for you. I hope that things will be exactly like you imagined they would be.
But, in case things are not, here are some things you may experience......
Your marriage is going to be affected. Suddenly, you are forever connected to your husband by this little human being you created together. It's not the two of you anymore, now there are three. Papa Bear is going to do things that make you want to rip your hair out sometimes. He's not going to understand what you are going through emotionally. Sometimes you will look at him and feel so much love toward him, your heart wants to burst, and other times, you will think "What in the crap did I get myself into?" The carefreeness you had as a couple before baby, is gone. It's not going to be easy to make time for each other. You're going to have to fight for your marriage. Babies and children require so much work, and often husbands can feel neglected. Try to make time for him, even if it's just a small part of your day.
Your body has changed, and you are going to feel uncomfortable in your skin. You may not feel as pretty as you used to. I encourage you to do your hair and makeup, and change out of the lounge pants, if possible. It will be good for your self-esteem. You may have gained a little too much weight, like me, and you will feel disgusted and discouraged with your body. You will lose the weight again, but don't worry about it yet. I give you permission to start thinking about your weight when the baby is sleeping through the night. It's okay if you have to buy new clothes to fit you. Please don't feel bad about that. It's a rare woman who can wear the clothes home from the hospital that she wore before becoming pregnant.
You are going to be more tired than you could have ever imagined you would be. You may have feelings of wanting to call the stork to take back the delivery. Sleep deprivation was a huge thing for me. I was so tired....so, so, tired. There is a reason that they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture.
You're not going to want to ask for help, but you need to. I am so type A that I refused to ask for help. I wanted this baby so bad, and now I was going to be the one to take care of him. I wished I would have called on more people to help me. I could have used help with housework, meals, and babysitting, so I could sleep.
Don't pressure yourself to breastfeed. I pressured myself and I think it contributed to me being resentful of my baby. There is too much pressure put on new moms to breastfeed. Yes, breastfeeding is awesome, if you can do it, but please don't feel guilty if you can't. There are lots of babies who are formula fed, and they are walking around healthy as can be today.
People are going to overwhelm you to the point that you hate their guts, even people you love. When have a new baby, suddenly, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, wants to come and see you. They want to put their hands all over your baby, crowd your house, and make your blood pressure sore through the roof. You're going to have this crying baby and all these people are going to be looking at you like it's your job to make it stop, while you sit there thinking, "I have no idea how to make this baby quit crying," and now I am covered in sweat and staring the door fixing to bolt as soon as no one is looking.
You may feel resentful of this new interruption to your life. You may want to run away and never return. You may see all these mamas loving and nurturing their babies like it's the most natural thing in the world, while you sit there and think, "This is isn't what I expected, and I'd like out of this situation now, please."
Please stay off the mommy blogs. The mommy blogs can be helpful, but they can also make you feel like a total failure as a new mom. Surround yourself with real, in the flesh, moms who will lift you up and help you on this journey. I found these moms when I joined a local MOPS group. In fact, one of these moms is still my best friend to this day.
It will get better, mama, I promise. Soon, your baby will sleep through the night, and you will start to feel like yourself again. You will find your groove, and start to bond with your child. You will be okay, I promise, and you are perfectly normal if you have all of these feelings. If your feelings start to be too overwhelming to you, please go see your doctor, and don't let them brush you off. You are paying for their services, and they need to listen to you.
Oh, how I wish moms would have been more honest with me. I felt so alone, lonelier than I have ever felt in my life. I thought something was wrong with me because no one told me I may feel this way. God bless the mothers who pop them out and it's the most natural thing in the world, but that wasn't me.
So, new mama, don't feel like you're alone in this. Take it day by day, or hour by hour, if you need to, and take that help when it's offered.
I hope this helps if you're a new mom. Comment below and let me, and all the other moms out there, know that we are not alone in this! Be there and support each other with love and honesty.
~Jenn
Sometimes Life Happens and You Have to Learn to Be Flexible
Yeah, I've had one of those weeks.
I really love people. I am very outgoing and extroverted. But when I get stressed, all I want to do is stay home in my jammies and not go anywhere or do anything except clean my house from top to bottom. I can get very easily overwhelmed by life sometimes. Unfortunately, instead of putting on my big girl panties and dealing, I usually go into meltdown mode. I am also very organized and detail oriented so when things happen that I don't "plan" for, I get upset and angry.
This week we have been going nonstop since Monday. It started with a field trip on Monday, an essential oil class Monday night, followed by a trip to the funeral home for a friend's mother who passed away. Tuesday was an orthodontist appointment and Wednesday I was at the seed store by 7:00 a.m. to buy seed for our deer food plots because we got a hard frost last weekend that killed about half of our fields.
On top of all that, our refrigerator quit working this week. What this means is that we have to put a down payment on braces Monday plus pay for our refrigerator to be repaired or get a new one. The thing that is most frustrating to me, is for the first time in our lives I am feeling good about our finances and about having a small emergency savings. Unfortunately, the repair of the existing fridge or the cost of a new one may wipe all that out. I am trying to look on the positive side and be happy that we at least have the cash on hand to pay for it this time.
Today's Thursday and it appears the rest of week will be just like the beginning. My house is the pits, we are behind on school, and I want to run away. In a time like this, I am going to choose to count my blessings and be thankful for friends who are going to deliver a free refrigerator, friends who invited us over to eat dinner with them last night, and friends who are bringing us dinner tonight! I am also thankful that we have the ability to pay cash and we don't have to put any of these expenses on a credit card. I am thankful for this time of the year, and even though I had to help spread seed yesterday morning for a couple hours, it was so good for my soul be outside in this glorious fall weather.
Don't think I didn't have a momentary thought about how going off grid would solve this fridge problem. The thing is, I like my refrigerator. I also like my electricity, and hot water. Do I think I could survive without them? I could, but I don't want to if I don't have to!
Now I need to get off here and get some stuff done so I can start to feel caught up in life. Have a great day, my friends, and try and count your blessings if things aren't going your way today.
~Jenn
Please Don’t Become Self-Righteous With Your Choices
Please, hear me out on this.
I want to talk about how being self-righteous and judging others for living a lifestyle different from you, is not productive to helping people.
Ten years ago, I gave birth to my one and only child. Something happened when he was born that made me want to do better when it came to making choices for him. I wanted to do the very best I could for him in all areas. So, I breast fed for eight months, when it was not the easiest thing for me to do and, in fact, it possibly caused me to bond later with him than if I would have put him on formula. But, I felt like I couldn’t put him on formula because of the pressure I put on myself based on the opinions of others. I often hear stories from other moms about how they felt judged for making the choice to formula feed their baby after breast feeding did not work for them. This hurts my heart that they feel unworthy and that someone else made them feel this way.
I’m going to tell you something that is not a shock to those who are close to me… occasionally, we eat McDonalds, AND sometimes I buy convenience foods, because that’s what I need, something convenient, AND I love smelly chemical filled lotions. Oh, and don't forget my addiction to good smelling laundry detergent and fabric softener! I have even watched the food documentaries about how fast food places get their massive amounts of beef and chicken, and while I disagree with the practices, and I am thankful for those who fight for better care for the animals, I still choose to eat at these places. I have had to stop reading so many blogs and unsubscribe from a few Facebook groups because all I do is feel like a failure when comparing myself to their "perfection."
So, I hide my choices.
I try not to take pictures of us enjoying meals at these places. I make sure my photos on my blog try to represent an ‘everything from scratch’ lifestyle. My child is fully vaccinated. I don’t think the FDA consists of all evil people who want to kill us with packaged foods. I don’t believe all doctors are buy-outs to the drug companies, and I don’t believe giving your baby formula makes you a bad mother. I love modern conveniences like washers, dryers, refrigerators, and electricity. Most of the choices that we make as family come from wanting to get the most out of our money and being good stewards of what God has blessed us with. I don’t consider myself crunchy, I’m frugal. It cost me less to make bread than to buy it, water is cheaper than soda, growing and canning our own produce saves a ton on groceries in the winter. So, I hide my choices.
I think instead of hyper-focusing on every chemical we may come in contact with, or making a stand to only eat organic, and feeling like eating convenient food choices occasionally will kill us, we should remember what’s really and truly important in life. Do you realize that when you make a stand and choose to not show mercy and grace to others who make different choices than you, that you are not being Christ-like?
Christ was radical and He did radical things. He loved people where they were at and He did not try to change them before He loved them. He did not give them a list of things He thought they should do before He welcomed them with open arms.
Let's talk about the single mother who barely has time for her children after working all day, but is expected (by food Pharisees) to grow and preserve her own food, buy organic when her budget doesn’t allow it, and keep up on all her other responsibilities. What about the young, twenty-year-old, new mom who is having such a hard time with her first baby and everything she reads gives her no support but only makes her feel frustrated and lonely?
Let's talk about the single mother who barely has time for her children after working all day, but is expected (by food Pharisees) to grow and preserve her own food, buy organic when her budget doesn’t allow it, and keep up on all her other responsibilities. What about the young, twenty-year-old, new mom who is having such a hard time with her first baby and everything she reads gives her no support but only makes her feel frustrated and lonely?
I am so very weary of this battle. I am weary of moms fighting over vaccinations, modern medical care, and being angry at other moms who are feeding their children fruit treats with food coloring and ramen noodles for lunch. Where is the mercy and grace in that?
I often wonder what would happen to us if we spent as much time reading scripture and ministering to the homeless, widows, and orphans as we do researching essential oils, alternative medications, vaccinations, and pesticides on our foods. I’m preaching to myself here, folks!
Listen, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to do better. I’m not saying that we should just throw the towel in and go back to how it was before we were educated in some of these areas. I just want things to be put in a better perspective and I want us to love each other instead of judge one another. The moment that you refuse to eat at a church potluck or you talk about another mother behind her back about what she is feeding her children, you may want to check yourself and look up the definition of what a Pharisee is. You also may want to research idolatry if you're a Christian and see if you may be spending a bit too much time on these things and not an equal or a greater amount of time into your relationship with Christ.
Life is always, and forevermore, about Jesus Christ and reaching people with His love. It’s all about loving them, caring for their needs, being there for them when they need you. We are called to preach the gospel to the ends of earth. Above all else, this is should be our main focus.
Imagine lying on your deathbed…no, I’m serious…picture it in your mind… will you be lying there saying “I wish I would have planted organic potatoes instead of those cheap ones”, or do you think you may be wishing you had spent more time with people you love and would have stopped worrying so much over every little daily decision? My mother-in-law, who would have celebrated her 71st birthday on March 18th, died on April 18th2013 from cancer. I have never known another person who avoided chemicals like she did. When she was in the hospital, she told my son that he needed to not worry about things so much because in the end it doesn’t really matter.
Love people! It’s all about love! Let’s make choices for our families that we think are best, but learn to relax and let go when we need to. Let’s not worry so much about other’s choices and focus on doing what we are called to do. Let’s put as much time into reading our Bibles and nourishing our spirits as we do researching alternative ways to heal our bodies.
Don’t let this lifestyle become an idol to you, something that separates you from your sisters or brothers in Christ. Perhaps by loving them where they are instead of judging them, you may get the chance to give them some of your big, juicy, red, tomatoes that you have grown and they will want to learn to garden too.
“For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law though not being myself under the law, so that I might win those who are under the Law; to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.” 1 Corinthians 9:19-23
New Blog Title and New Beginnings
I decided to take back the name I had originally picked for this blog. Evan and I came up with it because it fit our place and included two things that we have always loved - Little House on the Prairie and Winnie the Pooh.
This blog will just be a daily journal of our lives and the things that go on here at the Hundred Acre Wood. I realize I am indecisive and annoying to many of you for changing my mind all the time. I am still trying to figure out at thirty-eight who God has called me to be. I am working on embracing the personality I was given while working on my weaknesses.
This is a new year with new decisions and adventures in store for us. Glen will be losing his job in September and we will be heading in a new direction for our lives. We have decided that we will stay here in the house that we built. The house we spent countless hours deciding and drawing just how we wanted. This place is 'our' place - our dream house with our dream land.
This blog will just be a daily journal of our lives and the things that go on here at the Hundred Acre Wood. I realize I am indecisive and annoying to many of you for changing my mind all the time. I am still trying to figure out at thirty-eight who God has called me to be. I am working on embracing the personality I was given while working on my weaknesses.
This is a new year with new decisions and adventures in store for us. Glen will be losing his job in September and we will be heading in a new direction for our lives. We have decided that we will stay here in the house that we built. The house we spent countless hours deciding and drawing just how we wanted. This place is 'our' place - our dream house with our dream land.
Feeling Down and Restless
This has been a hard winter for me. I think the lack of sunshine has really affected my mood. I lack energy and enthusiasm for things that usually bring me joy. The days seem to drag by and Evan and I find ourselves bored and fighting most days lately. Glen is working six to seven days a week for twelve hour shifts and I am doing the single parent thing. It's what we need to do right now to save money and I need to be okay with that.
I was writing articles for the Molly Green Magazine but lately I have writers block. I don't want to write articles, my blog, or anything really. I lack consistency with posting on my blog and I wonder why I even have one? What's the point of it really? There are lots of homesteading blogs out there so what do I have to offer that hasn't already been done. Plus, it's not like we have animals like most homestead blogs do. See what I mean? Bad attitude...
I was writing articles for the Molly Green Magazine but lately I have writers block. I don't want to write articles, my blog, or anything really. I lack consistency with posting on my blog and I wonder why I even have one? What's the point of it really? There are lots of homesteading blogs out there so what do I have to offer that hasn't already been done. Plus, it's not like we have animals like most homestead blogs do. See what I mean? Bad attitude...
End of Year Update
Hello friends!
It’s been awhile since I have written. I guess I haven’t been in the mood to write lately. I have a pattern of becoming somewhat gloomy around the holidays. Celebrating without extended family is rough on me. It’s hard to make a big fancy meal for just your husband and ten-year-old. Not that they don’t deserve it - because they do. But, it’s just not the same as being around my big, obnoxious family.
A couple things have happened since I last wrote. The big one being my husband was informed by the company that he works for that they will be closing the plant down. That means we have nine months to prepare for job loss and to look for another source of income. When you are a one income family, and that only income is compromised, it can be scary territory. I am truly not worried though. I am trusting that God will provide and that we will come out on the other side stronger than ever.
My uncle also went and had a heart attack right before the holidays. It scared the poop out of me. See, he is only seven years older than me. He was my grandparent’s surprise baby and my mother was a young mom. It made me think long and hard about my health and the choices I am making with it. I am long past wanting to be a size 2, but I do want to have lots of energy to keep up with my family and my dreams for this homestead.
I also celebrated my thirty-eighth birthday on December 23rd. I am not sure about you, but time seems to fly by the older I get. I can’t believe I am two years away from forty! I actually enjoy getting older and wouldn’t go back to twenty if you made me.
Evan is doing well. He still complains about having to do school everyday even though we had a two week break over the holidays. We are still learning about ancient Egypt and reading through Exodus. I really want to do a unit study on Little House on the Prairie but I just don’t know if we have the time. He has been enjoying his fish. He is now up to having four aquariums. He is also really into his Lego blocks right now.
We have been working on a 3000 piece puzzle in the evenings that my mom sent him for Christmas. I can get a little psycho with puzzles. I may or may not have flipped out on him a couple times for bumping the table. Hey, I’m just keeping it real.
I enjoy winter months because they force you to slow down. I have wanted to get out some of my knitting stuff but until the puzzle is done that’s not going to happen.
I had a lock-in with our church youth on New Year’s Eve. I may enjoy getting older but my body does not enjoy getting zero sleep. I really am too old to be staying up until 3:00 a.m. The other adults and all the youth, except a couple, stayed up all night. Can you say “cray cray?”
Well that just about sums up the holidays at the Dana Homestead. Hope your holidays were happy and full of Jesus!
Love,
Jenn
It’s been awhile since I have written. I guess I haven’t been in the mood to write lately. I have a pattern of becoming somewhat gloomy around the holidays. Celebrating without extended family is rough on me. It’s hard to make a big fancy meal for just your husband and ten-year-old. Not that they don’t deserve it - because they do. But, it’s just not the same as being around my big, obnoxious family.
A couple things have happened since I last wrote. The big one being my husband was informed by the company that he works for that they will be closing the plant down. That means we have nine months to prepare for job loss and to look for another source of income. When you are a one income family, and that only income is compromised, it can be scary territory. I am truly not worried though. I am trusting that God will provide and that we will come out on the other side stronger than ever.
My uncle also went and had a heart attack right before the holidays. It scared the poop out of me. See, he is only seven years older than me. He was my grandparent’s surprise baby and my mother was a young mom. It made me think long and hard about my health and the choices I am making with it. I am long past wanting to be a size 2, but I do want to have lots of energy to keep up with my family and my dreams for this homestead.
I also celebrated my thirty-eighth birthday on December 23rd. I am not sure about you, but time seems to fly by the older I get. I can’t believe I am two years away from forty! I actually enjoy getting older and wouldn’t go back to twenty if you made me.
Evan is doing well. He still complains about having to do school everyday even though we had a two week break over the holidays. We are still learning about ancient Egypt and reading through Exodus. I really want to do a unit study on Little House on the Prairie but I just don’t know if we have the time. He has been enjoying his fish. He is now up to having four aquariums. He is also really into his Lego blocks right now.
We have been working on a 3000 piece puzzle in the evenings that my mom sent him for Christmas. I can get a little psycho with puzzles. I may or may not have flipped out on him a couple times for bumping the table. Hey, I’m just keeping it real.
I enjoy winter months because they force you to slow down. I have wanted to get out some of my knitting stuff but until the puzzle is done that’s not going to happen.
I had a lock-in with our church youth on New Year’s Eve. I may enjoy getting older but my body does not enjoy getting zero sleep. I really am too old to be staying up until 3:00 a.m. The other adults and all the youth, except a couple, stayed up all night. Can you say “cray cray?”
Well that just about sums up the holidays at the Dana Homestead. Hope your holidays were happy and full of Jesus!
Love,
Jenn
I Am the Mother of a Double Digit Miracle Child
Yesterday was Evan's birthday. He turned ten years old...ten. How did this happen?
I'm not ready to be the mother of a ten year old. I mean, after all, I still look like I am 25... Ahem...
Every year on his birthday, I reflect on the fact that he truly is a miracle. His father and I were married in 2000 and started trying to conceive in 2002. We had a very early miscarriage six months after trying. After that, came two years of tears and negative pregnancy tests. Unless you have experienced this for yourself, you really cannot imagine the pain and frustration that comes with not being able to get pregnant. It seems like such a natural thing for everyone else. You hear the comments like:
"All I have to do is look at my husband and I get pregnant."
"Honey, you just need to relax and it will happen."
"Once you quit trying it will happen."
"My friends decided to adopt and during the process she found out she was pregnant."
There's the baby shower invitations, the pregnant women everywhere you look, and newborn babies tucked all cute in their car seats on top of the grocery carts as a reminder of what you can't have. Let's not forget the yearly checkups at the Ob/Gyn office that are full of pregnant women. Sigh. Some days I will admit that my attitude was terrible. And, if I'm being truthful, even today I struggle with it.
I have been known to say things to God like, "Really, Lord? Haven't I had enough drama in my life? Can't this one thing go easy for me?" or "You know Lord, this isn't fair. Look at some of these mothers and how they treat their children! Why am I not allowed to have anymore?"
In March of 2004, I went on a trip to Florida with my little sister. We had such a good time down there and when I got back I noticed I didn't have much of an appetite. One morning, I went into work with a chocolate milk and a jar of pickles for breakfast. My coworker looked at me and said, "You're pregnant." To which I replied "Ha! Not likely!" She convinced me to go next door to the doctor's office that morning to have them run a test. Can you believe, in all the years of trying, this was the first time that I had not taken a test at home? In fact, when I got home from Florida, I told Glen that I had come to conclusion while on vacation that if we never had children I would be okay with that. Honest to goodness this is what I told him. Alright, back to the doctor's office story... I took the test and it was positive. I was in shock. Truly in shock. I misdialed my own home phone number three times trying to call Glen. I cried - a lot. I also went and bought a pregnancy test after work just so I could pee on it and finally have a positive after two years of negative tests.
I would love to say that it was an easy pregnancy, but that would be a lie. At 29 weeks I was 50% effaced and put on bed rest. I was not a very good bed rest patient and my mother in law kept a good eye on me during that time. At 35 weeks, on a Wednesday, when I was supposed to be resting, I was out shopping at Target getting last minute supplies for junior. I ended up having to go to triage from Target to have my contractions stopped and be monitored. The doctor was pretty irritated with me at this point. See, I knew that if I made it to 35 weeks they would deliver the baby at the local hospital, but if I went into labor before that I would be shipped to a hospital that had a NICU. When I hit 35 weeks I kind of took myself off bed rest....
Fast forward from Wednesday to Friday when I had my weekly checkup with another doctor at the practice. She checked me and said I was starting to dilate and she expected to see me that weekend, and that she would not stop my labor if I came in. When I left, I told her I would see her that weekend!
Late Friday night, I started having some pretty painful contractions. I was concerned it wasn't the real thing and I didn't want to wake Glen up to take me in unless I had to. We ran a pheasant hunting business at the time and I knew he was booked solid with hunts all day Saturday. I think I woke him up about 3:00 a.m. and said I needed to go to the hospital. They checked me when we got there and said I was only dilated to 3. I was told if I wanted to walk the halls for an hour they would check me again, and if I had progressed they would admit me. I progressed to 4 and was admitted. After that came the hard part! I gave birth to our son around 1:30 on Saturday afternoon. I was not able to hold him because after being observed by his nurses he had to be taken to the nursery and monitored for breathing problems. I felt pretty rotten about this and that somehow it was my fault because I was not a very good bed rest patient. I was finally able to hold him on Sunday and his issue with his lungs resolved overnight. We came home the following Monday and began the transition into being the parents of a newborn.
It wasn't until 3.5 years later that I would learn just how much of a miracle this child was. I began to have some hormonal issues and was found to have a grapefruit sized cyst on my left ovary that had to be surgically removed. When the doctor opened me up, she found a complete and total mess. Stage 4 endometriosis with basically my intestines, bladder, bowels, ovaries, and uterus all glued together in one big ball. Apparently, she worked quite awhile to get everything apart and remove the left ovary and tube. Unfortunately, after this surgery, my body kind of shut down on me and I went into premature menopause to which I have never came back out of it. I can promise that having secondary infertility is painful too. The doctor told me after the surgery that she had no idea how I was able to get pregnant with that mess.
But, I did! He is a miracle and I try to remember that when I want to beat him. Just kidding! Totally kidding! He really has brought his father and I more joy than we could have ever imagined. I cannot picture a life without my little guy. He is sensitive, loving, caring, and he loves to snuggle. I am so thankful that I was able to experience pregnancy and birth, and even though I would love to do it again, I will not take my one and only for granted.
I'm not ready to be the mother of a ten year old. I mean, after all, I still look like I am 25... Ahem...
Every year on his birthday, I reflect on the fact that he truly is a miracle. His father and I were married in 2000 and started trying to conceive in 2002. We had a very early miscarriage six months after trying. After that, came two years of tears and negative pregnancy tests. Unless you have experienced this for yourself, you really cannot imagine the pain and frustration that comes with not being able to get pregnant. It seems like such a natural thing for everyone else. You hear the comments like:
"All I have to do is look at my husband and I get pregnant."
"Honey, you just need to relax and it will happen."
"Once you quit trying it will happen."
"My friends decided to adopt and during the process she found out she was pregnant."
There's the baby shower invitations, the pregnant women everywhere you look, and newborn babies tucked all cute in their car seats on top of the grocery carts as a reminder of what you can't have. Let's not forget the yearly checkups at the Ob/Gyn office that are full of pregnant women. Sigh. Some days I will admit that my attitude was terrible. And, if I'm being truthful, even today I struggle with it.
I have been known to say things to God like, "Really, Lord? Haven't I had enough drama in my life? Can't this one thing go easy for me?" or "You know Lord, this isn't fair. Look at some of these mothers and how they treat their children! Why am I not allowed to have anymore?"
In March of 2004, I went on a trip to Florida with my little sister. We had such a good time down there and when I got back I noticed I didn't have much of an appetite. One morning, I went into work with a chocolate milk and a jar of pickles for breakfast. My coworker looked at me and said, "You're pregnant." To which I replied "Ha! Not likely!" She convinced me to go next door to the doctor's office that morning to have them run a test. Can you believe, in all the years of trying, this was the first time that I had not taken a test at home? In fact, when I got home from Florida, I told Glen that I had come to conclusion while on vacation that if we never had children I would be okay with that. Honest to goodness this is what I told him. Alright, back to the doctor's office story... I took the test and it was positive. I was in shock. Truly in shock. I misdialed my own home phone number three times trying to call Glen. I cried - a lot. I also went and bought a pregnancy test after work just so I could pee on it and finally have a positive after two years of negative tests.
I would love to say that it was an easy pregnancy, but that would be a lie. At 29 weeks I was 50% effaced and put on bed rest. I was not a very good bed rest patient and my mother in law kept a good eye on me during that time. At 35 weeks, on a Wednesday, when I was supposed to be resting, I was out shopping at Target getting last minute supplies for junior. I ended up having to go to triage from Target to have my contractions stopped and be monitored. The doctor was pretty irritated with me at this point. See, I knew that if I made it to 35 weeks they would deliver the baby at the local hospital, but if I went into labor before that I would be shipped to a hospital that had a NICU. When I hit 35 weeks I kind of took myself off bed rest....
Fast forward from Wednesday to Friday when I had my weekly checkup with another doctor at the practice. She checked me and said I was starting to dilate and she expected to see me that weekend, and that she would not stop my labor if I came in. When I left, I told her I would see her that weekend!
Late Friday night, I started having some pretty painful contractions. I was concerned it wasn't the real thing and I didn't want to wake Glen up to take me in unless I had to. We ran a pheasant hunting business at the time and I knew he was booked solid with hunts all day Saturday. I think I woke him up about 3:00 a.m. and said I needed to go to the hospital. They checked me when we got there and said I was only dilated to 3. I was told if I wanted to walk the halls for an hour they would check me again, and if I had progressed they would admit me. I progressed to 4 and was admitted. After that came the hard part! I gave birth to our son around 1:30 on Saturday afternoon. I was not able to hold him because after being observed by his nurses he had to be taken to the nursery and monitored for breathing problems. I felt pretty rotten about this and that somehow it was my fault because I was not a very good bed rest patient. I was finally able to hold him on Sunday and his issue with his lungs resolved overnight. We came home the following Monday and began the transition into being the parents of a newborn.
It wasn't until 3.5 years later that I would learn just how much of a miracle this child was. I began to have some hormonal issues and was found to have a grapefruit sized cyst on my left ovary that had to be surgically removed. When the doctor opened me up, she found a complete and total mess. Stage 4 endometriosis with basically my intestines, bladder, bowels, ovaries, and uterus all glued together in one big ball. Apparently, she worked quite awhile to get everything apart and remove the left ovary and tube. Unfortunately, after this surgery, my body kind of shut down on me and I went into premature menopause to which I have never came back out of it. I can promise that having secondary infertility is painful too. The doctor told me after the surgery that she had no idea how I was able to get pregnant with that mess.
But, I did! He is a miracle and I try to remember that when I want to beat him. Just kidding! Totally kidding! He really has brought his father and I more joy than we could have ever imagined. I cannot picture a life without my little guy. He is sensitive, loving, caring, and he loves to snuggle. I am so thankful that I was able to experience pregnancy and birth, and even though I would love to do it again, I will not take my one and only for granted.
One week old.
Holding dad's horns so I can get a picture of them.
One of his birthday gifts he picked out yesterday.
His birthday lunch. He picked Subway.
Happy 10th Birthday Evan! Your father and I love you so much and you bring so much joy to our lives!
Jenn
A Visit From My Mom, A Circus, 5K, and A Fall Festival
Is it just me or does life seem crazy-busy right now? We have had a whirlwind of activity since last Thursday.
Thursday afternoon I took Evan to get his hair cut by this lovely lady! He has decided that having his dead shaved is not his style anymore. It's just another sign of him growing up and I'm not too happy about it!
Thursday evening was dinner with my husband's coworkers. It was an award dinner honoring their number of years in the company. That piece of cake right there....uh, it was heavenly. I ate about a third and brought the rest home for Evan and I to share the next day.
Friday was hair day for Peaches. She looks so different when she gets groomed. I also went to the local Kentucky Artisan and Saddle Factory to be trained to do volunteer work every Thursday morning there. I am on a mission to get the community in that shop to buy our local artist's handmade treasures!
This was the most exciting part of the day Friday! We were waiting for grandma to get here from Michigan to spend the weekend with us. I think he called her about 56 times that day to see where she was.
My mom pulled in about 4:40 Friday afternoon. We had dinner and we were off to the circus. The circus was fun! I have not been since I was a little girl and it was Evan's first time at one. I was freezing so I stole Evan's monkey hat to help keep me warm. We are also munching on very salty popcorn.
This was the highlight of the show for us. The kids were given coloring sheets to get into the circus for free and if you colored your sheet, and they choose it, you received a free elephant ride. Guess whose name was picked? He worked on the coloring sheet for about three days so I guess he deserved it.
I don't think he was too sure about being on top of an elephant. He had a pretty nervous look on his face when they were helping him get on it. As soon as he got down he said "That was so cool!" Little things like this make a child's day.
This was one of those crazy stunts where I was pretty sure my 9 year old was going to see someone die. It was a metal cage that at one point had three men on motorcycles in there at the same time driving at a pretty fast speed. I wonder how many times they had to crash before they got this right?
Jugglers
Trapeze people
Saturday we woke up and I made breakfast for us. We sat around and visited for awhile and then we carved pumpkins. Evan has never carved a pumpkin before so this was a first for him. Evan and mom did a good job! After pumpkin carving we took my mom to a local restaurant in town that we love called Slappy'z. Glen left work and met us there for lunch. When we finished, we took mom to the square in Russellville and the Saddle Factory Museum to see some of the town history.
That evening my mom and I ran a 5K together, along with a couple of my friends from church. This is Sarah and this was her first 5K. She did awesome!
Taking a selfie after the run.
My mom and me after the run.
When mom and I pulled in our driveway that evening, we were greeted by these lovely things all lit up. My husband helped my son light them so Evan could see what they look like with a candle in them.
Sunday morning was church and then the Fall Festival that evening. I went as a hippie, which fits my personality. I like to tell people I am a hippie evangelist. Come one, come all to Jesus, no matter your race, class, background, or baggage. (I know this from my own experience:))
Here we are getting set up for the big night.
This is a picture of the kids trunk or treating.
This costume is awesome and won the best costume in the kid's category.
Handing out treats to the kids!
This was my buddy for the night. I had no idea Tyler was going to dress up like this! He also won best costume in the adult category. We had a groovy time.
This is our pastor. He's pretty cool for a pastor... I guess he is dressed as a hipster, which I have no idea what that is because I am too old!
Uh oh, we are busted eating our own candy!
We had a great weekend. The Fall Festival at church was a huge success and I can't wait until next year. I enjoyed spending the weekend with my mom and we had a lot of fun. She recently has lost a lot of weight and seeing her makes me motivated to get moving again. I am my mother's daughter so I should be able to accomplish this!
Jenn
Striving For A Debt Free Life
My husband and I have been on a journey with our finances for awhile now. After we went through the big job loss scare at the beginning of 2013, we realized that things really needed to change. I am happy to say that we have paid off quite a bit of debt since then.
We even went down to one vehicle for about ten months. We recently have purchased a second vehicle that we had to borrow money for. I know the ideal situation is to pay cash for a vehicle and someday we will! Right now we are working toward paying it off as quickly as possible.
I have been researching ways to save money this week and I love that we do a lot of these already. Since I am the manager of our home when it comes to groceries, laundry, cleaning, etc., I started making a list of all the ways we save money and ways to continue to save money. There are a few of these I need to work on.... like menu planning! <------ my nemesis!
This is the list that I have so far on how to cut expenses in our home:
1. Menu plan -
I know it works. I know it saves money. I just have to do it. I would like to do it monthly, but even if I can start out weekly it would help.
2. Coupons -
I don't love couponing and I don't use a lot of coupons, but I know that there are coupons almost weekly for stuff like batteries, paper towels, toiler paper, etc. Even if it's only a twenty-five cent savings, you would have bought it anyway so why not use a coupon for it?
3. Price matching -
I have already been using a savings catcher app from Wal-Mart on my phone and have saved a little using that. I know I could save even more by taking the time to price match with local competitors.
4. Make your own laundry detergent and laundry products-
I have done this in the past but I have just not been happy with the detergent. I will be honest...I love the smell of laundry detergent, fabric softener, and dryer sheets. It just smells so clean. They are very expensive though and there are alternative things you can use. I watched a laundry detergent tutorial the other day where the woman made the liquid homemade detergent but then added a big bottle of store bought detergent to it. I am going to try this next to see how it works.
I am also going to try to start substituting vinegar for fabric softener and make a wool dryer ball for the dryer so I can skip the dryer sheets. I would love to have clothesline eventually. That may be a project for this spring.
5. Shop second hand -
I know some people have issues with this but I am not one of them. We live in a consumer driven, I have to have it all, and I have to have it right now society. I am completely happy taking advantage of someone's used clothes and other things they have no use for anymore.
I also love to garage sale and have found many treasures at them. Just this summer, I bought a dehydrator, immersion blender (which I used a ton during canning season), and deep dish cast iron pan all for under $10.
6. Make your own cleaning products -
I love castile soap and I use it a lot. I use it as our soap to wash our hands with by filling an empty soap foam container with 1/4 castile soap and the rest water. I squirt a bit in my mopping bucket along with some lavender and orange essential oils to mop my floors. It's much cheaper to do this than to buy hand soap and mopping solution.
For my bathroom cleaning I just use straight baking soda and vinegar. I have scrubbed my toilet with baking soda for years and it hasn't let me down yet. I put the baking soda in an old parmesan cheese container and sprinkle the toilet with that.
7. Cook from scratch and don't eat out -
I have been making our own bread for awhile now. We were still buying bread from the store but we are in the process of transitioning to all homemade bread. I have some other homemade bread products I would like to try and make - like hotdog buns, hamburger buns, and bagels. I also would like to try and make our own cream of mushroom soup mix since we tend to use a lot of that. I have come a long way with cooking from scratch and I aim to improve it even more.
Eating out is expensive! I don't think it's wrong to treat yourself occasionally but if you are in the habit of eating at fast food restaurants often, I would reconsider that. Not only is packing a lunch more healthy but it can save you a lot of money by doing it.
8. Beauty products -
I have been slowly using up some of my old beauty products and lotions and I am trying to transition into more natural stuff. Not only because of the chemicals but because of how much money you save. A nice bottle of lotion can cost you anywhere from six to eight dollars. I have been making my own body and face lotion for awhile now. I mix coconut oil, shea butter, and essential oils. I have even made it for a few friends as a gift. A large container of coconut oil purchased at Sam's Club will last a very long time. Plus it takes up less space in your bathroom if you limit the amount of products you own (I have clutter phobia as some of you know...).
I have been trying to grow my natural color out for years but I always end up coloring it. Last night I was looking up ombre hair on Pinterest (in my deer stand! LOL!). I can't make any promises that I will not color again but I sure would like to stop that habit. My hair dresser is very reasonable with her prices but a savings is a savings.
9. Can and preserve your own food -
This one was a huge one for us this summer and fall. We managed to can a lot of produce this year. We have canned tomatoes, applesauce, spaghetti sauce, salsa, pickles, peaches, pears, jams, and all kinds of beans. We also have a freezer full of corn, squash, and venison. Sometimes it really stinks harvesting and canning when it feels like a hundred degrees out but as I sit in my little house with my shelves stocked, it feels so good!
My next preserving project is going to be homemade chicken broth. I have been saving chicken bones for awhile and I am anxious to do this. Broth is expensive!
10. Cut your out going expenses -
We cancelled our satellite TV this summer because the content on TV is not worth watching anymore and we just didn't want that extra payment. We do not own a home phone and only use our cell phones. We also canceled the exterminator this year since we couldn't really see where it was making a difference. Besides.... I'm just not sure about spraying all those chemicals around my house. We supplement our heating in the winter with a woodstove and the wood is free from our property. I also just applied for job to review homeschooling curriculum for free and blog about it. I am hoping to save some money and have fun trying new stuff with Evan.
These are some of the ways we are trying to save money in our home. How about you? Do you have any tips for us? We are in an aggressive mode to get debt free right now so any suggestions are helpful!
Jenn
Christian Way Farm
We had such a great time yesterday with our homeschooling group. We went to a local pumpkin patch/petting zoo. It's an annual trip for our group and every year Evan looks forward to it. When we first arrived is was cold and rainy, but the weather cleared up, and by the afternoon it was 70 degrees and sunny.
His favorite thing to do there is to shell corn the old fashioned way. I told Glen we should get him a corn sheller and he could shell our field corn we have planted for the deer. I think that would keep him busy for awhile!
We went for a ride out to the pumpkin patch to pick a pumpkin. There is a tractor pulling the wagon.
I am not sure how my friend's daughter managed to do this! It sure kept them busy on the ride back to the farm.
He really needs a haircut, but he is insisting that he likes it longer.
He will forever be a cat person.
This kitten is pretty cute. #dogsarebetter
This is my favorite part of the trip every year. The lady who owns the farm always takes a pumpkin and tells us a story with it. She talks about how we are like pumpkins and that God comes and cleans out all the yucky in us and gives us a new heart. I always get teary eyed when I think about God's grace and how undeserving I am of it.
They fired up a corn sheller that is powered by a tractor and all the kids got to go put an ear of corn through it and watch. They gave the kids the shelled corn to go and feed the animals with.
Yes, he asked if we could have one and the answer was "no."
Evan is so special. He just is. God made him to be loving, sensitive, and very funny. Although his sense of humor does get him in trouble with mom sometimes, even I can appreciate sarcasm at it's finest.
My friend's little boy trying to hold the kitten. At one point he was carrying it upside down but every time I tried to get the camera out and take a picture he would drop the kitten.
A picture of a baby goat just for the cuteness factor.
Now this was the highlight of Evan's day. He loves to play golf on the wii but has never played for real. He played mini golf for the first time and has not stopped talking about it since.
After the farm trip, I stopped by a friend's house who called the other day and said she had some clothes for me to go through. Since I recently lost more than 20 pounds, I have been needing some new clothes. I am frugal when it comes to buying clothes and usually shop second hand. I was excited to go through them. We always love to chat with each other and her family is pretty neat too. Well let me tell you...I practically got a brand new wardrobe! My favorite is a grey sweater dress. Glen has a work dinner on Thursday night and I knew I needed to go and buy something a little nicer than what I own but I just didn't want to spend the extra money. I am thinking my black boots and black leggings with colorful accessories. We are on a mission to be debt free as soon as possible! I believe that God is honoring that decision and still choosing to bless me through a friend with free clothing!
Jenn